I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
