Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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