I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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