Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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