He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
