And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
