Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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