what day is it and did you see me today?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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