So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize