We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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