is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
two words...techno handjob
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
