Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
