I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
