We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
