Buhtt sex?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
