My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Of course I have a pirate flag
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize