there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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