toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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