$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize