i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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