it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
