i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
