from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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