Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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