Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
