Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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