he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
