i wish peter jackson would direct porn
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
