Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
