Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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