There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
