He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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