So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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