I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
