Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
