just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
