why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
