BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
