Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
