so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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