fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Ladies don't puke and tell
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
