so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
