Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
