last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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