I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
