Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize