is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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