My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My bed smells like the plague
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