I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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