it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
