Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
