the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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