Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
