People with herpes should wear stickers.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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