OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Help. Why am I so naked?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
