I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
