so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
