I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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