Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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