please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
