If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
