Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize
