I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
