DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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