Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
