Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
