I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
