I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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