he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize