Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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