There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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