I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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