ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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