i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
