im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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