I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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