my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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