Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
