hotel room ftw
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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