I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
