i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Randomize
