Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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