idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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