she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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