I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
