I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize