If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
