I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
