I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
