My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
