Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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