i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
