Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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