It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
