Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
