I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
