So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
