I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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